Pentagon sources have confirmed that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has confessed to 28 different terrorist plots, many of which never happened. He has also confessed to orchestrating much of the tagging that has defaced New York City subways, the rapid decimation of amphibians worldwide, and the theft of Barbara Bush's pocketbook at a Denny's restaurant in 1968. Additionally, there are strong indications that he is the mastermind of the Crips Gang and Gitmo interrogators continue to ply him with glazed donuts (his weakness) and foot massages to extract his remaining dark secrets.
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