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Friday, May 18, 2007

Falwell Meets the Maker

I've often wondered what happens when fundamentalists die and find out that if there's a god at all, it's not some old, stern white guy who's been sitting up there cheering on one particular group of humans.

Jerry Falwell: What the.......? Where's the Lord? I want to see the Lord.
God: Welcome Jerry. You were really caught up in your illusions down there weren't you?
Falwell: What's going on? Is this some kind of test? Why you're Black as coal.....and you're a Woman.
God: Jerry. I'm everyone and everything you've ever seen down there. It's all my expression. All my poem.
Falwell: Oh Lord. You've turned into a Teletubby! This must be a bad dream. I'm not officially dead yet, am I? Is this the Purgatory chamber?
God: Jerry, we don't operate any chambers or five star hotels out here. Sorry but you didn't unpack enough stuff for this trip. You'll be going back.
Jerry: Back? But that sounds like blasphemous Buddha talk.
God: Would you like a schtickel taiglach or a bissell kishka before you go?
Jerry: Lord, are you about to tell me a Jew joke? I think I've heard them all.
God: Salam Aleikem Jerry. This time around you're going to live a very holy life. You'll be a cow in India. You'll see things
much more clearly. Chow baby!


  1. Anonymous8:28 PM

    While Jery appeared to lack some mercy, grace and perhaps even some humilty at times- he was a man of God- fearless and stedfast. There are lesssons we can gleen- live your life with conviction, and he did! Heaven gives every beliver their space designed by God Himself- an eternal reward- unimaginable. In fact, in every man is a supernatural thirst that only the water of Heaven fills. Blessings

  2. barry shemaria1:34 PM

    that's pretty funny stuff, elliot.
    you should be writing jokes for another old college friend of ours, chris bliss (formerly: dickey)